Not Myself
by MoonlightGypsy
Summary: MA Tony's strange behavior leads Gibbs to question whether he has really known him at all. When he looks deeper, he discovers a relationship that is more than toxic. But just how far down the rabbit-hole can he afford to go to ? BEWARE: this story is for adults only and contains violence, slash and het sexual situations, and dubious consent. WARNING: secondary character death.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I do not own, or claim to own, any rights or trademark on NCIS or the characters used here. I simply like to play colorforms. Note though, that the creativity of the story, and it's plot, those are indeed mine.

**WARNING : This story has very graphic, disturbing and dark material, not suitable for anyone under 18. I am writing a variety of stories…so please see the other ones if this is not your cup of tea.**

THANKS – GRACIAS – DANKA – DOMO – GRAZIE

Not Myself

Prologue

The wind blew icily through his hair, as he hung up the payphone with trembling fingers.

He stared at it for a moment. It seemed odd. Almost like he wasn't looking at his hand at all.

His eyes welled up suddenly.

If they knew what he had done…

He snorted at himself and shook his head, Of course, one day they would likely figure it out. They weren't the top MCRT team for nothing.

And when they found out, he imagined each and every one of them turning their backs on him.

They would never understand. _Could_ never understand. And it didn't matter. He deserved to go to Hell anyway. _In a big ol' handbasket._

He started giggling to himself madly as he let his hand slide down and off the receiver, and rested his head against the cold, hard metal edge of the payphone stand.

He slowly ran a hand down his face, and thought he should feel more, but the Will was asserting itself again. He'd been careful to obey the words…just the words…the call had cost him. He'd almost blacked out and dropped the phone from gelatin digits.

And already it was echoing like a dream…the words he had spoken into the line…they seemed like they were disappearing, one by one. Like sand slipping through his fingers.

He stood straighter, feeling suddenly confused, unsure of why he was standing there, and turned to make his way home through the barely awakening streets.


	2. Chapter 2

"Tony."

"No."

_"C'mon!"_

"No, McNosy, McBudinsky, McCuriosity killed the cat. Just. No." Tony sat back with a smug smile on his face as Bishop looked on in amusement.

"Won't you just even tell us a little about her?" Bishop asked sweetly, perching herself cross-legged on top of her desk.

Tony chuckled, looking back and forth between the two of them. "I don't get it. What has you two so fascinated about this?"

McGee snorted, rolling his big grey-green eyes. "Oh, I dunno. The fact that you are taking dance lessons in the first place. And then the fact you've actually been going for what, the last…three weeks ? There's gotta be something else to this!"

Tony looked wounded, holding his hand to his chest. "McGee, have you no recollection of the fact I had to learn basic ballroom when I was just a young boy? Have you no understanding of my cultured and refined side?"

"You mean the side that likes hot Brazillian chicks?" McGee grinned.

"Okay, so it doesn't hurt that she's _ridiculously_ hot," he admitted.

"Yeah? And what does she look like?" Bishop chimed in.

Tony smiled at her, and then sat back, angling his head in a thoughtful reminiscence. "She's…about 5'10", long, wavy black hair, olive skin, green eyes. Legs from foreeeeeever."

Bishops eyebrows perked up."Wow, sounds striking."

"What is she like, Tony?" McGee asked, genuinely curious. Tony had come in the last several weeks looking haggard. Like he'd been up too late, having a good time. Wearing casual clothes to work, much like today's button-down and jeans. He was surprised after Tony seemed to have been on the "mature" track for a while. This seemed a little like the old Tony…but still something about Tony taking _Samba_, claiming to be tired because of the many lessons with his teacher during the week…seemed a little unbelievable. He had to be having sex with her…suddenly McGee cringed inwardly, realizing that maybe he was the immature one.

Tony sighed and looked around for a moment. "She's…different."

"What's her name?" Bishop asked, hopping quickly off her desk when she saw Gibbs walk out of the Director's office.

"Renata," Tony said, with the strangest look on his face.

McGee puzzled over that look. It wasn't adoration…or love…more like, awe. "Wow Tony, she's beating your usual 3 day record." He realized it came out more snarkily than he intended. But Tony was nonplussed.

"Ahhh, McGee, why do you even assume she and I are doing the horizontal Mambo, just because we are dancing the Samba?"

As Gibbs drifted by he gave McGee a gentle headslap, "Never assume, McGee."

"Yes, Boss. Absolutely," McGee said good-naturedly while rubbing the back of his head.

As Gibbs' desk phone rang, Tony murmured "Better you than me, McEnquirer."

"C'mon, Tony, you haven't worn a suit in two weeks!" McGee almost hissed back.

Tony was a little surprised himself he hadn't realized. But…he had two dry cleaning slips under his stapler, one he slid under this morning. They weren't for suits? He picked this morning's up. One sweater. One pair of jeans. He raised brows at himself. He did drop them off this morning…but…why had he forgotten already? The slip under it was several weeks old, for a suit dropped off at a different dry cleaner. "Losing your gourd," he chuckled to himself. Maybe it_ was_ the hot sex he was having with Renata. He was usually left more sore from that than the dance lessons.

Gibbs hung up the phone, stood and threw keys at his SFA, who caught them seamlessly. "Gas it up," Gibbs quipped, "We got a body unearthed in Rock Creek Park."

* * *

><p>For a day in mid-November, it was not bad out. The night before had been almost balmy. They had to drive into the park for a bit until the trails narrowed and they made their way on foot to the crime scene.<p>

Bishop was struggling with her load, being still the uberProbie. McGee took pity on her and took one of the bags of equipment.

Gibbs walked briskly ahead towards the police tape and local LEO's mulling about to keep the public away. There were only a few curious onlookers, one with a dog, likely since this was well inside the park.

Gibbs approached what looked like the officer in charge.

Before he could address him, Tony spoke up behind him.

"Ah, Boss? I think I should go back and help Ducky and Palmer get in here…don't you think?"

Gibbs turned half way around, blue eyes staring Tony down from under his NCIS cap. "Send McGee, I want you here with Bishop." He noticed just for a brief moment the slightly green pallor of his friend. "DiNozzo, you better not be partying on school nights with that dance teacher of yours."

Before Tony could respond, Gibbs turned and began a conversation with the LEO.

Tony sighed and turned to McGee,"OK McGee, go help get Ducky and Palmer in here."

"Ah, okay then," McGee said, handing his bundle of equipment to Tony.

Bishop looked at him curiously. "You feeling okay Tony?"

He frowned at her, "Fine, why?"

"Well…you don't look so good right now. You…uh…you're kind of pale."

He snorted," Gibbs' driving. Still gets me once in a while after all this time."

"Suck it up DiNozzo," Gibbs growled but without any malice. He pointed to a mound of dirt just off the gravel path, behind a log. Beyond they assumed was a shallow grave, with their body. "LEO's were called to investigate and secure the scene for us, but someone called this in to NCIS. We can check later on the call with Abby. Body was buried nude, dogtags thrown in with it."

Gibbs started walking over and under the police tape attached to the trees. His feet crunched on gravel and some of the leaves that had already fallen. There were still enough on the trees to give them shade from the late morning sun.

Bishop and Tony followed. And as they rounded the dug up pile of earth, they saw the horribly shriveled naked corpse, which looked almost bent backward in an extreme arch, limbs angled grotesquely as if the person had been writhing in pain before death. The skin was sucked onto the bones, as if it had been dehydrated for days. He was partially uncovered, as the LEO's had wisely waited for NCIS before finishing the job of unearthing the victim.

"They assured me," Gibbs said in a quietly furious tone, "that they made sure there was nothing where they dumped the dirt."

Tony knew they would need to sift through every ounce, to make sure no clues were missed. His heart was pounding, nauseated by the very macabre vision before him. "At least they left him partially in…"

"What happened to this guy? He looks old…maybe he dyed his hair…" Bishop said, trying to make sense of what she was seeing. "It's …not decay…almost looks like a mummy. But the flesh still looks…in tact…"

The eyes of the corpse were not as dried out, and were semi rolled up into their sockets. The teeth…almost bulged out of dry, receded lips and gums. And even through the dirt they could see gashes in the throat, also dry and shriveled back.

"No blood though," Gibbs muttered, along the lines of what they were all thinking. "Tony, shoot. Bishop bag n' tag."

"Onnit Boss," Tony said, as he reached in his pack for his camera with shaking hands. _Should not be letting this get to me…_

They could hear the sound of the gurney rolling along the gravel path, with the voices of Ducky and McGee as they approached.

Bishop was carefully starting to scan the path Ducky would need to take first, so he was clear from disrupting any evidence. "Not even a footprint," she muttered to herself. Whoever had buried the body had done so with such care that leaves and gravel had been swept over to hide the burial site.

Tony was taking perimeter photos and then stepping inward. Sighing a little to himself as he went, he realized he just really wasn't feeling well. And wanted to be home in bed. Not here…with that thing in the grave. It really did look like a mummy. His head was pounding, and he felt his skin break out into a clammy sweat.

"Jethro, good morning!" Ducky greeted Gibbs gaily,"What do we have here?"

McGee and Palmer were standing by with equipment and the gurney.

"One second Ducky," Bishop said, marking the path for him to take for the body. "There's a lot of dirt and leaves but nothing else so far."

"Got someone here who looks more like a prune than a person," Gibbs said flatly.

Ducky raised a brow and tilted his head, "Really? How intriguing. Well, let's have a look." He moved slowly and with care around the log to crouch beside the grave. "Oh my, my good man what ever has happened to you?" He leaned over and took up the dogtags with his gloved hand as Bishop ran over with an evidence bag to receive them in. "Combs, William H, USMC…" Ducky let them carefully slide into the bag.

"McGee," Gibbs called. "Check em'."

McGee took the bag from Bishop and walked away, pulling out his ID scanner to manually input the name and number.

Gibbs looked around the path. Most of the people had moved on.

"Agent Gibbs," one of the LEO's called out.

"Yeah," Gibbs answered, walking past Tony towards the officer. "Tony," he called as he slowly took a step back. His SFA seemed mesmerized by the body. And looked…sweaty?

"Hey, DiNozzo !" he barked, standing in front of the younger man, and finally Tony'e eyes flashed green as they looked up st Gibbs.

"Huh? Yeah Boss?"

He looked surprised.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked, now a little concerned since Tony rarely lost focus at a crime scene.

"Ahhh, actually, I think I'm getting sick…or something. Maybe wasn't just your driving today after all," he tried a weak smile.

Gibbs stared at him for a moment. "You gonna puke?"

"No!" he said, blanching even more at the thought.

Gibbs still stared, even as the LEO waiting to speak to him shifted on his feet impatiently.

"Ok…maybe. I might. That is…I might puke Boss…and this IS a crime scene and all…" Tony said a bit balefully.

"McGee!" Gibbs barked.

McGee ran over to them. "Boss, these tags belong to Private William H Combs, age twenty-nine, USMC. He was stationed at Camp Lejeune, and had leave for two weeks starting last Saturday. He has no family in the area."

"Twenty-nine," Gibbs muttered, shaking his head, not convinced yet that the shriveled corpse was the same person. _We'll see…_

"McGee, take over shooting for DiNozzo," he said seeing sheer relief on his SFA's face.

McGee was surprised. "Ahh, okay then…" he took the camera from Tony. " You alright, Tony?" he asked.

"Yeah, Tim, I'm ok…just not feelin' too good an the Boss doesn't want me puking on our scene."

"Just go to the car, DiNozzo," Gibbs said with just a tinge of disappointment that made both the younger men wince.

Tony sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Tony you sure-"

"Yeah McGee," he said tiredly. "Just go do your thing." And he turned and started down the path.

McGee frowned, still uneasy at the slumped gait Tony had as he went, but then started to review what Tony had shot so far so he could follow through.

Gibbs finished talking to the LEO, and headed over to Ducky.

Palmer was handing Ducky the thermometer as Gibbs asked, "Whadda' we got Duck?"

"A puzzle Jethro. This poor shriveled creature seems devoid of most of his lifeblood. In addition, his throat appears as if an animal had been at it…but…how did this man come to such a state of dehydration? It's as if the body had been spontaneously _vacuumed_ ! This is very odd indeed ! But I shall know more when we get him back to autopsy." Ducky pulled the thermometer and frowned.

"What is it Doctor Mallard?" Jimmy asked as Ducky passed it back to him.

"This body is not old at all. The temperature indicates he could have been alive within the last two days…"

Gibbs took in the body again, and the artifact-like quality it had, being so shriveled.

"How the hell did he get like this?" Gibbs asked out loud.

"I am not sure," Ducky said, "but I intend to find out. One thing I can say for sure. This man suffered something quite horrific."

They all looked on at the twisted body, and Gibbs couldn't help but feel a terrible chill settle in his gut.


End file.
